We all experience circumstances which we label as “good” or “bad”. These judgements are a conditioning of the mind as all situations are inherently neutral and impersonal. There are only situations and solutions. Perceived “bad” situations will require solutions. Some solutions we can control while others we cannot. Situations involving pain experienced within relationships often requires forgiveness in order to heal and move on.
Forgiveness is a tool that allows us to be free. When we hold on to resentment, grudges, hate, and other negative emotions, it keeps us in a perpetual state of unhappiness. We judge situations and label them. We tell ourselves the story of what happened over and over, and depict how it should have been. The truth is that things are always the way they are supposed to be even when it doesn’t feel good.
Resistance to “what is” creates self-suffering
Our life’s purpose is to find love inside of ourselves. When we fill ourselves with love, we have it to radiate back into the world. Aligning ourselves with our life’s purpose is the quickest way to accessing that inner love. We exhibit joy and excitement when we are fulfilling our purpose. Holding on to negative emotion inhibits us from giving our life’s purpose our full attention. Forgiveness allows us to preserve our energy and re-direct it to towards our purpose. It enables one door to close while another opens.
When we experience negative emotions, they get stuck in the body. This can be felt in sore necks, backs, or clenching and grinding of the teeth. It is important to encourage these energies to exit the body. Exercise, meditation, massage, yoga, and creative expression are examples of transforming negative energies by releasing endorphins. Those are the molecules that make us feel good. Forgiveness does the same. It alkalizes body and stimulates the parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system.
The activation of the parasympathetic nervous system is imperative to overall health. It allows us to have good quality sleep, essential for our cells to repair, and keeps unwanted responses like anxiety and depression away. Forgiveness allows the parasympathetic nervous system to be stimulated and will create an overall sense of peace.
Many people do not know how to forgive. Once we learn the general principals we can practice forgiveness until it becomes a reflex. That does not mean that we need to continue to allow others to take advantage of us or continue to be in dysfunctional relationships. It simply means that we let go of what has been done to us so that we don’t carry the heaviness of it around. We simply re-evaluate the individual who has caused us pain and determine if that person should be in our life. Mistakes happen but they are not as important as the lessons that we were supposed to learn.
Situations are always as they are and not conditional upon our opinions. A proficient way to learning forgiveness is to allow space between yourself and the situation. Detach and observe without judgement. Allow each situation to be as it is. What is the situation? Does it need a solution? If so, what is the solution? What steps do we need to take to move towards the solution? Then execute the steps. Thoughts do not need to extend beyond that.
When we realize that hurt people create hurt for other people, it can be much easier to forgive them. The amount of hurt one intentionally inflicts upon another person is a direct correlation to the amount of hurt they carry inside. We must have compassion for them even when that hurt negatively impacts us. Part of evolutionary consciousness requires us to learn forgiveness. When we do that, we transfer karma to the person who wronged us and we are liberated.
To forgive someone, we need to ask ourselves the questions:
- Who do we need to forgive?
- How will we do it?
- When will we do it?
The truth needs no validation and forgiveness does not need to wait for an apology. Forgiveness can be expressed through voice conversations, written, or even comprised in the mind. None of these methods need to actually make it to the recipient unless desired. There is tremendous power in words and we are all alchemists. We can transform the negative energies associated with being wronged into positive energies and release it into the world. This empowers us to liberate our love energy which is the strongest energy in existence. It will propel us closer to our dreams and fulfill our purpose. Below is an example of a forgiveness letter written by me. It can be as short or as extensive as you prefer. The important part is to genuinely forgive but first objectively understand exactly what it is that needs forgiving. When we give the situation space and see it from a different perspective, a much deeper understanding of the other person’s actions can easily been recognized and forgiven.
I forgive you for not providing a safe environment for me and my child. I forgive you for failing to protect us.
I forgive you for not being consciously evolved enough to ascend your deeply rooted love-pain.
I forgive you for lacking integrity, loyalty, accountability, honesty, and compassion.
I forgive you for trying to turn me into someone that I am not.
Most importantly, I forgive myself for seeing and believing in your potential instead of accepting who you currently are. I understand that potential is nothing more than imagination.
Each perceived negative experience is nothing more than a reference point to what is preferred. The significance can be found in the lessons. Did we learn the lesson? The world will continually put similar situations into our experiences until we do. Most often the lessons that need to be learned revolve around more self-love.
- no longer allowing people to bring us things that create unhappiness
- saying no to negative influences
- having more discipline
- maintaining higher standards
- having more self-respect
- creating more boundaries
When we strongly develop self-love lessons, it is much more difficult to allow negative people and experiences into our life. Letting go of hurt is liberating and will free our soul to attract the people and things we deserve. This is achieved through the practice of forgiveness. Have you decided who needs forgiving? How will you do it and when? Most importantly, did you forgive yourself and learn the lessons?
Our minds and emotions are designed to heal. 🙂